11-12-96

Dear Mom,

I survived the dreaded tooth extraction today, as you knew I would. I can almost hear you saying "Of course, you got through it, Mila. You always worry about these things incessantly and then you pull yourself together and survive! And now it is behind you." I missed you so much today, Mom, because you would have stood there so solidly waiting for me. As a man of few words, you wouldn't have had to much to say, but you would have said just enough to have given me confidence in my own ability to withstand any degree of pain that life brings my way.

Whenever I have these awful medical or dental procedures, I think of you, Mom, and how you took me everywhere after my accident. I can't thank you enough for devoting yourself and your time to walking me through some pretty horrible experiences. No matter how bad the procedure was and no matter how much pain it caused me, I could always count on you to lend me strength and to make me feel safe.

I feel scared and cold and alone without you. I am proving to myself that I can get through these ordeals without you - even in a panic state- but I don't want to. I only want you back. The only good thing I thought about after the extraction was that I'm glad that you didn't have to be there for your sake. I only wanted you there for my sake but taking care of me was proving to be too arduous for you after all those years. I'm so sorry that my illness ruined your retirement years, Mom and I feel so guilty about that.

But I'm forever grateful to you for the selfless way that you gave to me and for the many invaluable times you were there to help me out in times like this.

I love you Mom, and pray that you are safe and free from pain.

Mila...